JRS 85 7/19/2026 One Flesh (Part 3) The Roles in a God Honoring Marriage Selected Scripture Jesse Randolph Over the last two Sunday mornings, we have been laying down some important groundwork in this short little series on marriage. Two weeks ago, we looked at The Roots of a God-Honoring Marriage as we went back to Genesis 1 and 2 and considered principles like that laid down in Genesis 2:24 – “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Last Sunday, we looked at The Requirements of a God-Honoring Marriage. Namely, it be Salvation-Founded and Spirit-Filled. Now today, in part three of The One Flesh series we’re going to get into The Roles In a God-Honoring Marriage. Last Sunday, as we considered The Requirements of a God-Honoring Marriage we did sort of a flyover of certain principles from Ephesians chapters 1-4. And we did so intentionally and strategically, really to set the stage for the text we’ll be in this morning Ephesians 5:22-33. Turn with me, in your Bibles, to Ephesians 5:22-33, where we have this majestic picture that’s being painted by the Apostle Paul. As the Spirit of God moved him about the design and the structure and the order and the purpose and the beauty of a God-Honoring Marriage. This would be Ephesians 5, starting in verse 22, God’s Word reads: “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So, husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” So, there we have it. Husbands, love your wives just at Christ loved the church. Wives, be subject to or submit yourself to your husbands, as to the Lord. Pretty simple stuff, right? We can head out for an early breakfast. “Simple” in the sense that these commands are clear. “Simple” in the sense that these commands are not difficult to understand. “Simple” in the same sense that the message of the Gospel is very simple to grasp. But at the same time, this language is profound and deep and multi-layered, with all sorts of implications and applications to individual contexts. That is actually how we’re going to handle this text this morning. This is not going to be a word-by-word deep-dive, and a word-by-word exposition into this part of Ephesians 5. Rather, this will be one of those more jump all over the place type of messages, as we trace out the contours of what is being said here to husbands and to wives here in Ephesians 5, but also in other texts and contexts about what their respective roles in marriage are. We have two points for this morning’s sermon. If you’re a note taker, first will be, The Hallmarks Of A Godly Husband’s Love. And then second, will be, The Standards For A Godly Wife’s Submission. Now, as we saw in the first message in this series what the scriptures teach, going back all the way to the beginning, to the book of Genesis. Is that God designed marriage to look a certain way. According to God’s grand eternal design He designed that someone would lead and guide and someone would help and follow. He designed it so that one, in a marriage, would be the authority, and the other, in a marriage, would submit to that authority. He designed that one would be the provider in that marriage and the other would be the one who is provided for in that marriage. From the very beginning, according to God’s perfect design, it would be the man, the husband, who would be in the place of headship, and it would be the woman, the wife, who would be the one under that headship, the one for whom headship was provided. But then, through the Fall of Adam sin entered into the world, as we know from Genesis 3. But through the entrance of sin into the world, that created not only a relational fracture between God and man, but it led to this distortion of the roles in the relationships which God had designed between man and women and specifically in marriage. In the ancient world, this distortion revealed itself in all sorts of different ways. In ancient Judaism, there was the common prayer, prayed by Jewish men – “God, I thank you that I am not a Gentile, a slave, or a woman.” In ancient Greek thinking, it was perfectly normal, perfectly acceptable for the husband to have multiple sexual partners. To live a promiscuous lifestyle. The wife’s job really was to bear children to him and let him go live however he wanted. In ancient Roman society, it was not different. It was completely normal for Roman husbands to engage in whatever form of sexual gratification suited their fancy, prostitution, concubines. Roman husbands, like Greek husbands before them, were permitted to step out on their wives to gorge themselves on whatever sexual buffet the world offered them, with no consequences whatsoever, except, perhaps, the occasional STD. It is into that context that the Apostle Paul comes out swinging here in Ephesians 5. Where he writes these course-reversing, culture-shifting, jaw-dropping words, starting in Ephesians 5:25 for husbands, at least, where he says: “Husbands, love your wives.” Now, when Paul wrote these words, the context in which he wrote these words, the place to which he was addressing these words, was Ephesus, a melting pot of all these different cultures and peoples. More digestible statement for a husband to read at this time, a more relatable statement for a husband to read at this time, would have been something like: “Husbands, deal with your wives” or “Husbands, tolerate your wives” or “Husbands, rule over your wives” or “Husbands, dominate your wives” or “Husbands, abuse your wives” or “Husbands, if you see fit, leave your wives.” But that’s not the command Paul gives here. He says plainly, clearly, Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives.” In a time in which these words were written, these words would have been, for many, very difficult to receive. Very difficult to read. Very difficult to comprehend. They would not have added up in the culture and the times in which they were written. Because these words stood in such bold contrast to the way the world worked. To the assumptions that were held. To the ways in which households were typically run. But that’s exactly how the Spirit of God moved Paul to write. And that’s the first command He gave husbands in this passage. Namely, that they are to “love [their] wives.” Now, on the one hand, this is a simple, straightforward command. But at the same time, this command given to husbands here in Ephesians 5:25, is loaded with various different implications. What we’re going to do now is work through a list, a Biblically supported list of the ways that a husband is to love his wife. I’ve got 12 of these. I also have 12 for the women, later. I’m committed. I’m caffeinated. I’m ready to get through 24 points this morning. These are The 12 Hallmarks of a Godly Husband’s Love. First, the God-Honoring husband loves his wife as an outflow of his love for the Lord. He loves his wife as an outflow of his love for the Lord. We can’t lose sight of the fact, as we work our way through this text that the letter to the Ephesians, was written to Christians and for Christians. Now, the immediate context was to these first-century Believers in Ephesus. But we can’t lose sight of the fact that the book of Ephesians is Christian Scripture. Meaning, that what we’re reading here is not a letter written only to Ephesian “husbands” in the first century but to all Christian husbands. Now, Christian husbands, before they are husbands, they are Christians. Their chief identity is in the fact that they have a right relationship with God. That they have a restored relationship with God through the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross His death, His resurrection. Recognizing that they understand, the Christian husband does, that his first love is not his wife rather, his first love is the Lord. Matthew 22:37, Jesus Himself says: “You shall love the Lord your God with all you heart, and with all you soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The God-honoring husband, then. He loves his wife, as an overflow, as an outflow of his love for the Lord. Yes, he shares a roof with her. Yes, he shares a bed with her. Yes, he shares a last name with her. Yes, if the Lord has allowed, he shares children with her. But he also sees her as his neighbor whom he loves, according to Christ’s commandment, first the Lord, and then his neighbor. So, the first one is, it’s an outflow, the husband’s love is an outflow of his love for the Lord. Second, the God-honoring husband loves his wife continuously. The verb for “love” here in Ephesians 5:25, it’s an imperative. It’s a command and not only is it a command, but it’s also a present-tense command. Meaning, the type of love that’s being, not just commended here, but commanded of husbands is that this is a continuous love and at-all-times type of love, and all-situations type of love. Meaning, the husband who seeks to honor the Lord in his marriage, he loves his wife even when he’s not getting his way. He loves his wife, even when he’s not getting what he wants from her. He loves her, even when she’s being that dripping faucet, that the prophet’s warn about, the nag. He loves her, even when her own needs are inconveniencing him in the moment. He loves her when, at certain times and places, she might sound a little irrational or crazy. He loves her. He loves his wife continuously. Third, the God-honering husband loves his wife sacrificially. Let’s pick it up again in Ephesians 5:25, where Paul, through the Spirit says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” So, husbands are commanded, not only to “love your wives”, but to love them “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Husbands are to love their wives with the same unreserved, selfless, sacrificial love that was modeled by Christ Himself in His love for the church. How much did Christ love the church? Well, He gave everything He had. He gave His very life for the sake of the church. Ephesians 5:2 tells us that He “gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” John 10:11, Jesus Himself says He: “lays down His life for the sheep.” Galatians 1:4, we’re told that He “gave Himself for our sins so that He might rescue us from this present evil age.” Acts 20:28 says He “purchased” the church “with His own blood.” Hebrews 9:14 says He “offered Himself without blemish to God.” And here, Ephesians 5:25, we’re told that He “loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Husbands have this incredibly high task. This seemingly impossibly high, this insurmountably high standard of loving our wives “just as Christ also loved the church.” This is a form of love which seeks, ultimately, the good of the other person. It’s a sacrificial love. It is a selfless love. It is a giving love. Christ gave everything He had, including His very life, His shed blood, for the sake of the church. And that’s the very target, the standard that the Christian husband is held to, in terms of the love that he is to show his wife. You know, sometimes, as a preacher you poke and you prod and you throw some verbal jabs right about at this time just to spur the church and the congregation into action. I really don’t think I need to do that here for the guys, for the husbands. The text does all the poking and the prodding we need right? Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Fourth, a God-honoring husband loves his wife toward purity. Look at verses 26-27, picking up the thought mid-sentence here. Paul, Spirit directed says, “So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.” Now the immediate context of these words is the holy and purifying love that Christ has for His bride, the Church. In these two verses, we see that one of the purposes of Christ’s death was to make the Church, the universal church, the collection of individuals who have come to Him through the centuries in genuine repentance and faith; His aim is to present them holy, and positionally sanctified, “set apart” for Him. We see that in places like: Hebrews 10:10 which says: “We have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.” Or Hebrews 10:14 says: “For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified.” That’s what’s meant by these words here in verse 26 of Ephesians 5 - “So that He might sanctify her.” Set her apart, present her as holy. Then comes this next idea, still in verse 26: “Having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” Now, the “her” here, is still the church. This clause refers to the regeneration of Believers, the church. Not this building, the church. Not Indian Hills Community Church, but the church universal. The redeemed people of all time saved people, those who have been “washed of regeneration” as it says in Titus 3:5. Note that here in Ephesians 5:26, what is referred to is the “washing of water with the word.” Meaning, the Word of God and the purifying effect it has on those individuals who make up the church, as we see in verse 27: “That He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.” So, Christ died to save and Christ died to sanctify and Christ died to cleanse and He died to present to Himself, verse 27 – “the church in all her glory.” Note that Christ didn’t die for a church that was already glorious any more than He died for sinners who were somehow worthy or deserving of salvation. Rather, one of the reasons Christ laid down His life was to present an otherwise-inglorious church – glorious so that the church, His bride, the one who He has set His love upon would “have no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.” Christ desires in fact, Christ demands a holy bride, a holy church. Which we see in other places in scripture, like Ephesians 1:4 tells us that God “chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him.” Colossians 1:22 says: “But now He reconciled you in the body of His flesh through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach.” Bringing this back to marriage. Looking to the example of His Lord. Looking to the example of the Lord Jesus Christ. The Christian husband, the God-fearing husband the godly husband, what he’s going to do, in a manner similar to Christ’s purifying love of His Bride – the church is he’s going to steer his wife and point his wife toward purity, her purity. He’s going to lead her toward spiritual growth. He’s going to help and encourage and re-direct her in times when she’s feeling spiritually complacent, or spiritually stagnant. He’s going to warn her and pull her away from spiritual danger. He’s going to lead her away from temptation. He’s going to lead her toward holiness and godliness through his own example, and his own words and actions. He’s not passive, in other words, when it comes to his wife’s own spiritual development. He doesn’t entertain thoughts like: “Well, that’s just between her and the Lord.” “I’ve got my relationship with the Lord, and she’s got her relationship with the Lord.” “Lord, You’re the One who gave her to me – You know how she is, deal with her.” That’s not the thought. No. He recognizes that as her spiritual leader, and as her earthly head, he has a tremendous responsibility to love her and to lead her and that includes leading her spiritually. So, as Christ, back to verses 26 and 27 here desires a holy church a Christian husband desires a holy wife. He does all he can, humanly speaking, to help her. To help her avoid dishonoring the Lord. Or displeasing God while increasingly encouraging her to be conformed into the image of Christ. Fifth, a God-honoring husband loves his wife through oneness. For this idea, we get it from verses 28-30, where it says: “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.” What this is describing, ultimately, is oneness, or unity. Or, if I can even use expression like this the sanctified selfishness that ought to characterize a God-honoring marriage – “So husbands ought also to love their wives as their own bodies.” See, what’s being assumed here, and that’s why I used that expression – sanctified selfishness – is that husbands, like anyone will naturally care for themselves. And naturally tend to themselves, by feeding themselves, or hydrating themselves, or bathing themselves, or clothing themselves. That’s what’s built into Ephesians 5:29, where Paul here says: “For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it.” What’s being communicated here then in verse 28, when it says: “He who loves his own wife loves himself.” Is that there’s this parallel between the “love” or the care that a husband shows himself in providing for his own basic needs and the “love” or the care that he is to show his wife. Since marriage involves a true union of husband and wife when the husband loves his wife, who is part of him, who is “one flesh” with him he is, in a very real sense, loving himself. As he cares for himself, he cares for her. As he’s caring for her, he’s caring for himself. It’s a mirror image type of proposition. Then, in verses 29 and 30, we see that this oneness between the husband and the wife and this care the husband shows the wife, as he “nourishes and cherishers” her is again, this picture of Christ’s relationship to the Church. Verse 29, “Just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.” So, the God-honoring husband loves his wife in oneness. Sixth, the God-honoring husband loves his wife as a priority. Look at verse 31, it says: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Now, as you can see from the capitalized letters there in your Bible, this is a quote from an earlier portion of scripture, namely, Genesis 2:24. But, we can see also, as it’s quoted here in Ephesians that God’s design was always that a man would leave his father and his mother and be “joined” to his wife. We went through this a couple of weeks ago, but that word in the Hebrew, for “joined” is describing this concept of two once distinct items being pressed together joined together, coupled together. The best illustration I’ve ever heard of is like particle board. Like plywood. A husband and a wife are joined together in this permanent and unbreakable bond. Like plywood elements once were separated when they become joined together and pressed together and mashed together, they become this singular sheet. That’s a good picture, I think, of what’s being described in Genesis 2:24 and here in Ephesians 5:31, of the pressing together, the joining of husband and wife. Note, the text does not say that the husband shall be joined to his wife and her mother. Or, joined to his wife and her father. It doesn’t say that the wife’s parents or the husband’s parents get to call the shots in the marriage. It doesn’t say that the wife should run to her parents when her husband hurts her feelings. It doesn’t say that the husband should go to his parents and try to corner a revolution against his wife. No. The husband and the wife are a new unit. A new family. A distinct unit, a distinct family “joined” together with the “two” having “become one flesh.” There has been a true “leaving” and “cleaving”, just as God has prescribed in His Word. Seventh, the God-honoring husband loves his wife in view of the mystery. Look at verse 32, it says: “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” What this is saying is that Christian marriages serve as this picture, this testimony of something far greater. Namely, Christian marriages point to a “mystery.” A mystery that’s identified in the remaining words here, verse 32: “But I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” We did cover this a couple of Sundays ago, but our marriages are picturing something far greater than our marriages. Our marriages are picturing the very Gospel message itself. Including the fact that Christ offered Himself as a sacrifice by dying for us and saving us. If we had known the truths of the Gospel and put our faith in Christ through the Gospel, we know that all that He’s bestowed upon us, was undeserved. In all of it, we were completely unworthy. Romans 5:8 says: “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” A Biblically minded husband, a God-honoring husband, he gets that. He understands that. He gets that his marriage is to point to that mystery of the relationship between Christ and the church. What the God-honoring husband seeks to do and strives to do with the Spirit’s help is to translate those very Gospel truths into his marriage. Showcasing not only to his wife, but to the watching world, how majestic and amazing and transcendent the glorious Gospel truths really are. So, the God-honoring husband loves his wife in view of the mystery. Eighth, the God-honoring husband loves his wife with no promise of reciprocity. Look at verse 33, it says: “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself.” Now, that language is very similar to verse 28. But then, look at this final line of verse 33, where it says: “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Now note what’s not being said here. Note what that does not say. It doesn’t say “the man is to love his own life as himself, and then the wife will respect her husband.” Or “he ought to love his own wife as himself, so that she might love and respect her husband.” No. It says, “The husband is to love his own wife as himself.” That is his command. Those are his marching orders. That is his responsibility. Then comes this entirely separate command to the wife in verse 33: “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” In other words, one is not conditioned upon the other. Meaning, even if the wife doesn’t heed this command from God’s word, about respecting her husband; guess what the husband is still required to do? Love his wife. They are not hinged on each other. That’s a good word, I believe, for the husbands here this morning. To be reminded that there’s no room for fudging what’s being said here by Paul by God through the Spirit. There’s no room for game-playing. There’s no room for blame-shifting. There’s no room for passing the buck. You know, no matter what type of wife you have. No matter how obedient, or disobedient, she is to the Word. No matter how much you might wish she were different. Remember that the all-wise, all-knowing, all-sovereign God He made no mistake when He joined the two of you together. It didn’t slip past Him in the divine courts of heaven that your name would end up next to her name on the marriage certificate. So, knowing this and remembering that the Lord is the One who joined the two of you together in the first place you are to love her, without conditions, without strings attached, without demands of reciprocity, without demands of, “you have to move two inches before I’ll move one.” Ninth, the God-honoring husband loves his wife in a posture of submission. As we’ll get to in a moment yes, it’s the wife who submits to her husband, and then to his leadership. And yes, it’s the wife who is to subject herself to her own husband. But as she does so, she is submitting to a man, who himself is if he’s a God-honoring man, submissive. The husband himself loves his submissive wife submissively as he submits to God. James 4:7 says: “Be subject therefore to God.” Men and women alike. He submits himself, the husband does, submits himself to Christ. I Corinthians 11:3 says: “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” In other words, the husband who leads faithfully is also a husband who submits faithfully. Not to his wife, because that’d be a reversal of the divine order. But to God, which is directly in line with what we see in God’s Word. Tenth, and with this one, let’s shift our thoughts and our focus over to I Peter 3. This is number ten on our list of the hallmarks of a godly husband’s love. And for this one, we’re going to say that the God-honoring husband loves his wife with understanding. Look at I Peter 3:7, it says: “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way.” The God-honoring husband, who seeks to “love [his wife]” faithfully he sees his wife, his helper, the one whom God has given to him, as his greatest earthly treasure, as his greatest subject of study. He looks, not only to learn about her you know, what’s her favorite movie, what’s her least favorite season, like those sorts of details but he seeks to learn – her; her fears, her concerns, her worries, her anxieties, her sources of joy. He does so, he lives with her in this way in this understanding way, so that he can love and lead this uniquely designed fellow image bearer. And so that he can love and lead her in a way that not only pleases her, but most importantly, in a manner that pleases the very God who put them together. So, number ten was, The God-honoring husband loves his wife through understanding. Eleven, the God-honoring husband loves his wife by recognizing her weakness. Still in I Peter 3:7, he says: “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman.” You didn’t marry one of your bros, guys. You married your wife. And though she is equal in personhood. And though, if she’s a Believer, you are equal in Christ. She is ‘weaker” a weaker vessel. Not a popular thing to say today. But it’s true. She’s “weaker.” God didn’t make your wife to be a breadwinning, arm-wrestling, porterhouse-slamming, home-protecting version of you. He designed wives in such a way that they would be in need of protection and provision and strength from their husbands. Husbands are not to be sending their wives out in the frontlines of battle and war. Husbands are not to send their wives downstairs to go fend off or fight off against a home invader. Husbands are not to send their wife to go out to work for another man, so that the husband can fulfill his dream of being some sort of famous Twitch streamer. I mean, there can be husband-directed delegation of responsibilities in any given home, but it ultimately falls upon the husband to protect and provide for his wife the “weaker” vessel. Because she is “weaker.” Twelfth, the God-honoring husband loves his wife by honoring her. Still in I Peter 3:7, it says: he “show[s] her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.” Now, that “honor” that’s being described here, isn’t solely about chivalry. You know, opening the door for her, giving her your jacket when she’s got a little bit of a chill those are nice things to do fellas, do those things; rather, the “honor” that’s being described, is tied to recognizing, as we see here, that she is a fellow follower of Jesus Christ. She’s a “fellow heir of the grace of life.” She is not just your wife; she’s your sister in Christ. She, like you, is one whom God chose before the foundation of the world. She, like you, is one whom God came to save, or Christ came to save. And she, like you, looking forward, will be worshiping eternally around His throne in glory. She’s an “heir”, a “fellow heir”. So, she is due “honor” from you, her husband, as an expression of your love for her but chiefly, and again, as an expression of your love for the Lord. Note again, the “warning” language at the end of verse 7 of I Peter 3 husbands are to “honor” their wives in this way: “So that your prayers will not be hindered.” That’s one of those take-your-breath-away kinds of thoughts, for husbands. That when you’re acting out of line, when we’re disobeying God’s Word in our seasons of pouting or feeling bad about ourselves or seeking to shift blame to our wives for her role in whatever when we refuse to honor our wives as “fellow heir[s] of the grace of life” it says it so plainly here our prayers end up going nowhere, our prayers will be hindered. Now, don’t’ be mistaken, God hears those prayers. God is all-sovereign, He hears everything, He sees everything, there’s no prayer He has ever not heard. The point here is He ignores them. He doesn’t listen to them. What a jarring reality, and an important reminder for every husband here, who calls God his Father, and Jesus his Savior. Of the importance of loving our wives, by honoring them, as fellow heirs “of the grace of life.” So, there we have it, guys. Twelve Hallmarks of a Godly Husband’s Love. I can put that one away. But we can sit with those and reflect upon those. And as we do so, I just want to put before you, one more passage, Proverbs 31:11-12. We often think of Proverbs 31, we think of the wife, and it says in Proverbs 31:11 – “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above pearls. [and then it says] The heart of her husband trusts in her.” The God-honoring husband, he treasures his wife like “pearls”, like jewels. He “trusts in” her. And bringing it back to Ephesians 5:25, he “loves” her, he loves his wife. So, up to this point, we’ve been focusing on the husband, and his “role” in a God-honoring marriage namely, that he love his wife. Now, we turn our attention to the wife, and her “role” in its various expressions. Here’s our second point, if you’re taking notes: Standards For a Godly Wife’s Submission Turn back with me to Ephesians 5, where we come upon this primary command given to wives. It’s found in Ephesians 5:22, it says: “Wives, be subject to your [own] husbands, as to the Lord.” Of course, the language here that is most vilified in our day most hated most despised most likely to get you run out of a meeting or a townhall breakfast, or a dinner conversation, is that middle clause, that wives are told to, quote: “Be subject to [their own] husbands.” Now, what does that mean? “Be subject to your own husbands”? Now, the Greek word here “subject to” – hupotasso – it’s a compound word made up of the Greek preposition hupo – which means “under” – and tasso – which means “order.” So, quite literally, hupotasso means to “order oneself under.” It’s a military term. It means “to line up under” to “arrange under” “to rank under” like a Major under a Colonel, or a Colonel under a Lieutenant. Meaning, a wife is to “order herself” under her husband. To “line herself up” under her husband. To “subject herself” under her husband to her husband. Or, smooth that out, to submit herself to her husband. We’ve just worked through 12 Hallmarks of a Godly Husband’s Love. Now, we’re going to give this list of 12 to the wives, about these standards for a godly wife’s submission. 12 Standards For a Godly Wife’s Submission First, a Wife’s Posture of Submission when she seeks to live out this command to “be subject to [her] own husband”, has nothing to do with her value, integrity, worth or any such thing. No. Every woman, every wife, is an image bearer of the living God. Genesis 1:27 says: “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Christian husbands, Christians wives also are one in Christ. Galatians 3:28 – “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is no male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” This means, those two truths mean – that a Christian wife is to be shown, as we just saw in I Peter 3 “honor”, as a “fellow hear of the grace of life.” Now, we don’t want to take this too far, but there is a loose Trinitarian parallel here. When we think of the fact that Jesus, though eternally of one essence with the Father, God the Father that He submitted Himself to the Father in various respects. For instance, in His incarnation when He came to earth. Or, when He died on the cross. Becoming obedient,” Philippians 2:8, even “to the point of death, even death on a cross.” We remember that, as He did so, as Jesus did so, He was not less God, He didn’t become a “lesser God.” He was of no lesser value or worth than God. Now, in a similar way, wives are not in any way inferior to their husbands. They’re of the same value. They have the same spiritual blessing in Christ. But still, they are to submit to their husbands. Wives are not to be the heads of their home their husbands are. And the head of the husband, we’ve already seen, is Christ. I Corinthians 11:3. So, the husband is like the Lieutenant. The wife is like the colonel. Or, if you prefer the sports analogies the husband is like the quarterback, the wife is like the running back. Can you imagine there being two quarterbacks under center, on a football field? It wouldn’t really work, right? No. You have positions and players. There’s complementary. Players playing their respective roles for the sake of advancing the ball down the field. So it is with marriage, and the roles of the husband and the wife. They both play important roles, essential roles, key roles, but they play different roles, distinct roles. So, first standard of a Godly wife’s submission is not a statement against her worth or her value. Second, Biblical Submission Ties Back to God Being a God of Order. God is a God of order. We find this truth mentioned in I Corinthians 14:40. Now, in context there, Paul is describing how spiritual gifts are distributed in the church. He says that “all things should be done decently and in order.” Well, as is true in the church God has decreed how things are to be ordered in the home. You know, He has not left individual homes to decide which person will be responsible to Him for what they do in the home. If they want to reverse roles or reverse how He has designed it that’s not how God has permitted it or decreed it. No. God has made the husband directly responsible and directly accountable to Him, ultimately, for the spiritual and physical well-being of the home. And the wife then ranks under the husband in that regard. It’s an ordering that is ultimately rooted in the order of creation. I Timothy 2:13 says: “For Adam was formed first, then Eve.” Third, Standard for the Godly Wife’s Submission. This is the reminder that the whole of the Christian life no matter who you are, is one of submission. So, it’s not only wives who are called to submit, as though that is some unique thing to wives. All Christians are called to submit in a variety of different situations and circumstances and spheres. Children are to obey their parents, as it says in Ephesians 6:1. Slaves are to be subject to their masters, Titus 2:9 says: “Urge slaves to be subject to their own masters in everything.” Church members are to be subject to and to submit to their elders. Hebrews 13:17 – “Obey your leaders and submit to them – for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account.” Members of the body of Christ submit to one another. Ephesians 5:21 – “Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” Citizens are to be subject to the governing authorities. Romans 13:1 – “Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities.” And we all submit to the Lord, James 4:7 – “Be subject therefore to God.” I mean, as you just study church history, you study the lives of the different martyrs. If you even look at the life of our Lord, who, Isaiah 53:7, was “Like a lamb that is led to the slaughter.” We see that the overall testimony of scripture and also that of church history later, is that Christians are not to be this rebellious, push the envelope, kick against the goads kind of people. Rather, the tenor of our Christian life, is that we’re to be a submissive people. Meaning, that when a wife submits to her husband, she’s not doing anything that’s out of step with, or foreign to what is to be the pattern and practice of the life of any follower of Christ. The Fourth, standard for a godly wife’s submission: Her Submission is Ultimately Grounded in Delegated Authority. Her submission is grounded in delegated authority. So, the husband submits to God. The wife submits to the husband, as to the Lord. Look at Ephesians 5:23-24 where it says: “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” God has given the husband authority over his home. It’s a delegated authority, because whatever authority the husband has, is ultimately authority he has been given by God. As the husband submits to the Lord, the wife submits to her husband as unto the Lord. Now, the world, I can promise you, if you haven’t heard this already, is going to say that everything I’ve been saying up here, especially on the wife’s side of things is totally “misogynistic.” Totally sexist. That will be the narrative of everything that’s said here about Ephesians 5. Well, God’s Word calls what we’re talking about here, the wife’s submission to her husband it’s a haven, it’s a shelter. It’s a place of safety. It is rooted in certain divine realities, again, I Corinthians 11:3 – “But I want you to understand [Paul says] that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” So, wives, the submission that you show you husband, is ultimately an act of worship, not of him, your husband but the One who is head over him, the Lord Jesus Christ. Your goal, as is mine and every other Believer this morning, ought to be to align with these words from Colossians 3:17 – “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus.” For the wife, that includes the manner in which she submits, and the heart with which she submits to her husband. Fifth, Biblical Submission Does Not Equate with a Husband’s Iron-fisted Rule. Biblical submission is not the same as a husband ruling with an iron-fist. A Christian wife is not a doormat. She’s a trophy of divine grace. Any husband who thinks that Biblical submission gives him some sort of license to be some tyrannical, heavy-handed dictator, is proving himself to be Biblically illiterate, at best and perhaps even absent of, and vacant of the Spirit of God. As we’ve considered already, a Christian husband is to love his wife to love her “just as Christ also loved the church.” And that love that he’s called to show his wife, is rooted in the very core of who we are in Christ. Those Gospel realities. To the husband, is to treasure his wife, even when she’s not acting in an especially treasure-worthy manner. He’s to live with her, I Peter 3:7, “in an understanding way.” He’s not to lord over her autocratically, with some sort of tight-fisted rod of iron. He’s not to confuse “submission” with “dominance” or “subjugation.” No. She is his joy. She is his treasure. And so, this command here to the wives, to “be subject to your own husbands” – according to God’s grand design it is to be coupled with the husband being committed to pouring out Christ-like love on her. Sixth, Biblical Submission is to be a Way of Life, a Way of Living for the Faithful Woman of God. She strives to make godly submission her pattern and her practice. How do I know this? Well, from other parallel passages, including Ephesians 5:21 and Colossians 3:18, where this same expression “be subject to” or “submit to” it’s a present tense verb. What that means, what that’s really stressing is constant, daily submission. Meaning, the godly, God-honoring woman doesn’t submit to her husband only when she feels like it. Or only when she thinks he deserves it. Or only when he bought her flowers that week. No. She submits to her husband as a way of life. Her submission, in the most immediate context, is to her husband. But her submission, ultimately again, is to the Lord. So, her submission, daily, routinely, is an act of grateful worship to the Lord. Seventh standard for the godly wife’s submission – it ties into what I just mentioned, but Biblical Submission is Voluntary. Note the language of Ephesians 5:22 again wives “Be subject to.” That could also be rendered, and it has been rendered in the parallel passages “Subject Yourselves To.” I’ll try not to belabor you all, with the boring details of Greek grammar. But that’s in the middle voice. In the Greek the middle voice is usually used in situations where a person is bringing action upon themselves. They’re causing something to happen to themself. The middle voice usage here is signifying that the God-honoring wife is voluntarily subjecting herself to her husband’s headship over her. The God-honoring wife as an act of worship she submits herself to her husband’s authority, as unto the Lord. She submits herself. This is a command that only be heeded voluntarily by the wife. It involves a wife’s willing choice. An exercise of her free will. Meaning, there is human responsibility involved with the wife. It also means, because there is human responsibility involved, that there will be future accountability to the Lord for how she submits or doesn’t submit. It’s really important to stress that here, that this command is not to husbands, to get the wife to submit rather, the command is given directly to the wife that it is her responsibility, her duty in a godly marriage – her joy to submit to her husband. Eighth standard for the godly wife’s submission: Biblical Submission, a married Christian woman does not extend to all men. Christian wives are not commanded to submit to every man, not even to every married man. What does the text say? “Be subject to your own husbands,” So, Paul, here, is not saying that all women of all time must subject themselves to all men everywhere. He’s saying that wives are to subject themselves to their own husbands. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” It comes out very similarly in I Peter 3:1 – “In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands.” Paul, in Titus 2:5, says that young women are to be trained by the older women to be, quote: “Subject to their own husbands.” You know, my wife, Jenna – does not submit to the male manager at Runza. She doesn’t submit to our boys’ school superintendent. She doesn’t even submit to, at this phase of her life, to her own father. She submits to me, as her husband, as God has designed it. “Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Ninth, standard for the godly wife’s submission – and this one will be quick: Biblical Submission Modeled by a Godly Wife. This may be a tool the Lord uses in an unequally yoked marriage to win over an unsaved husband. I Peter 3:1 – “In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, as they observe your pure conduct with fear.” In other words, Biblical submission can be evangelistic. So, for you wives who have unsaved husbands don’t lose heart, stick to what the Word says, stay faithful. Stay faithful to the man with whom you share a last name, as you seek to honor the Lord who saved you. Tenth, this one should be rather obvious, but: Biblical Submission in Marriage, is a Marital Concept. Meaning, it doesn’t apply, in this context, to those women who don’t have husbands. Whether they are single, widowed, or divorced, or dating. For the woman without a husband as we’ve already seen, she does have various spheres of life in which she is to submit. To governing authorities, to her church leaders, to God Himself. Each of those spheres of submission are areas in which she can grow as a submissive person. So that if the Lord sees fit to bring her a godly husband, she will be prepared and equipped to submit to him. But to be clear, Biblical submission is a concept limited to the marital realm. Girlfriends don’t submit to boyfriends. Fiancées don’t submit to fiancées, that sort of thing. Wives submit to husbands. Number eleven, the eleventh standard for the godly wife’s submission: Biblical Submission is not only not to be shied away from and not only embraced but taught on, specifically, among women in the church. Listen to these words from Titus 2:3-5 – “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may instruct the young women in sensibility: to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be slandered.” If there ever was a curriculum that older women in the church ought to take the younger women in the church through and I praise the Lord, we do that here. Central to that curriculum, would be how wives are to faithfully submit to their husbands and why? Well, it’s said right at the end of that section of Titus – “So that the word of God will not be slandered.” Twelfth, standard for the godly wife’s submission – we’ve made it to 24 overall! A 24-point sermon – we did it guys. A wife’s decision to submit, or not to submit to her husband, is no second-tier issue. Rather, it’s a Gospel issue. By that I don’t mean that an unsubmissive wife is necessarily unsaved. Could be the case. But that’s not always the case. What I do mean, though; is that what we see here in Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” And in Ephesians 5:24 – “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” Those passages are pointing to underlying Gospel realities related to the love that Christ has for His bride the church. Again, Ephesians 5:32 – “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” As I mentioned earlier, and two weeks ago our marriages are to be these living illustrations these flesh-and-bone pictures of the relationship, the spiritual relationship between Christ and the Church. So, the godly wife, the God-honoring wife through her life, through her submission is picturing, for all to see, the church’s love for her Savior. While the wife who refuses to submit or fails to submit, through her life, her disobedience, is really distorting the message of the Gospel. Well, we’ve just gone through a roller-coaster ride of 24 points. 12 Hallmarks of a Godly Husband’s Love and 12 Standards for a Godly Wife’s Submission. This is where the rubber meets the road, folks. I mean, the Word of God says it and then my job is to preach it and the Spirit of God brings conviction where conviction is needed and then we go all out from here, committed to doing it one step at a time, and one spouse at a time. I mean, it really has been my prayer of late that we, as individuals and members of this Church, would be taking this series seriously. Because of ultimately, what the truths that are driving this series the truths that God has given us, in His Word, about marriage. I do pray, and I have prayed that we would be taking this seriously, taking these truths to heart. I do pray that this is a church that has folks in it and is made up of individuals – men and women, husbands and wives, who delight in marriage and delight in the spouse the Lord has blessed them with. I’ve also been praying that if we’re not made up entirely of folks like that, folks that delight in the spouse that God has given to them that it would be through teachings like this, and the one that’s left for next Sunday that we would recognize how important it is. You know, Aaron mentioned in his prayer this morning, that James 1 passage – of being not just hearers of the Word, but doers. So important! So critical when we think of marriage. I’ve been praying that we would not be just a church that hears a bunch of doctrine, and hears a bunch of theology, and then hears a bunch of Bible; but then refuses to take all that we’ve learned here, across the doorstep, into our homes, into our marriages, into our lives. May we truly be, not mere hearers of the Word, but doers – in marriage and in every context of life.