JRS 83 07/12/2026 One Flesh: The Requirements of a God-Honoring Marriage Selected Scriptures Jesse Randolph You know last Sunday we spent much of our time in the book of Genesis, specifically Genesis 1 and 2 where we worked through eight different principles, foundational principles, roots of a God-honoring marriage. Among those eight would have been companionship, complementarity, procreation, primacy, intimacy, permanence, joy and the gospel. And that last one, the gospel, the gospel centrality of any Biblical God-honoring marriage was found not in Genesis but in Ephesians 5 in the New Testament. Next Sunday, Lord willing, we are going to get into Ephesians 5 as we look at what God has ordained as roles in a God-honoring marriage. But today sandwiched between those two messages, last Sunday's where we looked at the roots of a God-honoring marriage and next Sunday where we are going to look at the roles in a God-honoring marriage, we're going to get into the requirements of a God-honoring marriage. Now what today's sermon will not be is some sort of mechanical mental transfer to you, it won't be some sort of dispassionate data dump. I'm not going to give the ladies, the wives, one list of things that you ought to be doing and then give the husbands the other list of things you ought to be doing. Instead, the aim of this morning's sermon is going to be pointing each of us, every single one of us, male or female, husband or wife to what God is calling all of us to do in light of who we already are in Christ. Next week we'll get into role-husbands, your job is to do this and wives, you are to do these things. But today we're going to look at some even more fundamental requirements present in a truly God-honoring marriage. These are those two requirements that I'll be really drilling down on in the time I have here this morning. Number one is the requirement that a God-honoring marriage be salvation founded and then number two is that a God-honoring marriage be Spirit-filled. Now that's not necessarily the outline we'll be following and that's not a strict outline like most Sunday mornings I'll be working our way through, but those are the two main takeaways for this morning, that a God-honoring marriage is both salvation founded and Spirit-filled. Now how we're going to build this out as we look at a Salvation-founded and a Spirit-filled marriage is to look through the lens of Paul's letter to the Ephesians. In fact, go ahead and turn with me in your Bibles to Ephesians 1. We'll get to Ephesians 5 next week, but God didn't drop Ephesians 5 out of the sky. It's not like He communicated the truths that He communicated there in a vacuum, rather He communicated those truths in Ephesians 5. Truths about husbands and wives through the lens of an apostle named Paul, through the pen of an apostle named Paul. Paul wrote these truths in the context of an entire letter made up of 155 verses in the six chapters of the book of Ephesians. Sometimes we forget that. You know, we read those commands given to husbands in Ephesians 5 and our eyes scan over its words and its letters and its principles and its paragraphs. We memorize those words and we store up those words in our hearts, Lord willing, and we hope and we wish and we pray that our spouse would be doing the same. Right? I'm reading Ephesians 5, I hope she is, too. That's how we can sometimes take this. But in doing so we might be losing the context in which the words of Ephesians 5 were given and context matters. The context of the entire letter to the Ephesians is Paul reminding those early Christians there of the immense spiritual riches they already possessed on account of their being in Christ. We all need that reminder, too, as husbands, as wives, and for that matter, as singles and widows and widowers. We need that reminder of that storehouse of spiritual wealth that we've been given. We always need that reminder of that immense spiritual inheritance we've already received, being that through God's grace and forgiveness we've been saved through the blood of Jesus Christ. And the Biblical roles that we are called to fulfill in marriage, the headship of the husband, the submission of the wife. Those are first and foremost the natural outworking of the position and the status and the riches that we already possess now in Christ. Hopefully I gave you time to get to Ephesians 1 where Paul lays out some magnificent truths here about our position in Christ and how we came to that position. We'll start here in Ephesians 1:3 where it says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him in love, by predestining us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace which He graciously bestowed upon us in the beloved.” The reason you are a Christian, if you are a Christian, the reason you are saved, if you are saved, the reason that you have the hope of eternal life to which you can now look forward, the reason that you have eternal life right now has nothing to do with you, and it has everything to do with God. Your salvation was not some sort of collaborative effort; it wasn't a group project. God didn't meet you halfway. It wasn't part God and part you. It wasn't even mostly God and a little bit you. No, it was all God. That is what's being said here in Ephesians 1. These truths from these few verses ought to serve as the ultimate pride crusher in every marriage. When you consider, if it's a marriage of two Believers, that you both were once these hell-deserving rebels but now you are these grace-bought sinners, when you recognize that your position in Christ has nothing to do with you and nothing to do with your spouse and everything to do with the Lord, there is no room for pride. There is zero room for the I'm so much better than her thought. There is zero room for the he's so much worse than me thought. There is zero room for the I don't deserve this in the heat of conflict thought. The truth is we deserve none of this, none of the goodness that God has bestowed upon us. We don't even deserve our spouses, we don't deserve the gift of waking up every morning, we don't deserve that kiss on the cheek. What we deserve, rather, what your spouse deserves is hell. God spared us from that awful reality by sending His Son into the world to die. And because Jesus died and because Jesus rose and because Ephesians 1, God “chose us from before the foundation of the world through Him,” we have eternal life, we have hope. Well, God not only chose and elected and predestined a group of individuals through whom would be saved through Christ, but He did so for a purpose. Look at verse 4 again, where it says that He “chose us in Him before the foundation of the world that we would be holy and blameless.” He saved us for a purpose. There is a purpose to our calling and our election as individual followers of Christ, and there is a purpose that is written here by the Apostle Paul through the Spirit which is that we would be holy. God called us, God chose us, God set us apart that we would be holy and blameless. The holy God of heaven set apart and saved unholy wretches like us so that we would pursue holiness, so that we would become more like Him, so that we would mirror the purity and the holiness that He inherently possesses. I Peter 1:16 says, “You shall be holy,” that's God speaking, “for I am holy.” Titus 2:14 says, “Christ gave Himself for us that He might redeem us from all lawlessness,” that is salvation language, and then it says, “and purify for Himself a people for His own possession.” That is holiness language, sanctification language, growth language. Husbands, are you, with the Lord's help, living in a holy and blameless manner with your wife? Does it show in your communication with her? Does it show in your thought life when she's not present? And does it show in the understanding you seek to show her? Does it show in your unreserved devotion to her? Wives, are you, with the Lord's help, living in a holy and blameless manner with your husband? Does it show in the manner when you speak of him when you are in front of family and friends? Does it show in the help that you offer him? Does it show in the ways in which you respect him? Reading on, still in Ephesians 1, take a look at Ephesians 1:7 where it says, “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our transgressions according to the riches of His grace.” You know the reality is all of us have sinned. Romans 3:10 says, “There is none who is righteous.” Romans 3:23 says “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” And the reality is just one of those sins would warrant eternal separation from our Creator, the God of the universe. Just one of those sins would warrant, according to the divine scales of justice, an eternity spent in hell, since Romans 6:23 tells us that “the wages of sin is death.” But here we see in Ephesians 1:7 that “through His blood,” meaning through Christ's precious shed blood, those who have believed in Him, those who have trusted in Him, they have received forgiveness for each and every one of their sins, past, present and future. They've been washed as white as snow. Their sins have been cast into the depths of the sea, their sin debt has been paid, it's been canceled out. Colossians 2:14, “Having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us which was hostile to us, He also has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.” So, with those truths in mind, remembering here from Ephesians 1:7 that we are undeserving recipients, every one of us, of redemption, of grace, of forgiveness. When our spouse seeks forgiveness from us for that harsh or unkind or uncharitable word, they used toward us. Or when we are harboring bitterness in our hearts because of some attitude our spouse showed us or that look, they gave us that we didn't quite appreciate, are we going to let it stew and brew in our hearts or are we going to forgive? There is only one answer to that question, there is only one right answer to that question, there is only one correct answer to that question, which is to forgive. If you would, turn with me over to the book of Colossians, also in human terms written by the Apostle Paul, and look what it says here in Colossians 3:12 on this topic of forgiveness in light of the richness of the salvation and forgiveness we've received through Christ. Colossians 3:12 says, “So as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and graciously forgiving each other. Whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord graciously forgave you so also should you.” See, when we consider the big picture, when we keep eternal realities before us, when we keep salvation realities continually at the forefront of our minds, which we ought to do, when we remember who we once were and what the Lord did for us, a Christian husband and a Christian wife have zero grounds for being bitter or unforgiving toward one another. We must forgive, just as God forgave us through Christ, meaning if you are harboring those feelings of unforgiveness in your heart toward your spouse and what he did or what she didn't do, what you need to do is take those feelings to the Lord and you need to repent and you need to forgive. Now you might be thinking, you don't understand, that's easy for you to say from that pulpit. You don't know how unreasonable she's being, you don't know how far he has gone, you don't know how bad it has gotten between the two of us. That's fair, I don't know those details. Only the two of you and the Lord know those details, but what I do know and what we all know and what we all need to remember is that if you put your faith in Jesus Christ not only has God saved you by resurrecting you spiritually, but He has also given you the ability to tap into His divine power to fix and work through whatever it is you are working through. Turn back with me to Ephesians, again this is a flyover through Ephesians type of sermon and look now at Ephesians 1:18. Paul here, is in the middle of his prayer for the Ephesians, the Ephesian Believers. He is praying that they will “know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints.” And then he also prays, verse 19, “that they would know what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe according to the working of the might of His strength, which he worked in Christ by raising Him from the dead and seating Him at His right hand in the heavenly places.” If you put your faith in Christ, the same power of God which raised Christ from the dead physically is the same power that has raised you spiritually and it's the same power that now gives you the ability to honor and serve the Lord in each and every sphere and pocket of your life, including your marriage. You now have the ability to tap into that power through prayer, through submission to the Spirit, through the conviction the Word of God brings. You have the ability not to fight dirty with your spouse anymore. You have the ability to refuse to think angry thoughts about your spouse. You have the ability to refuse to buy into the lies that the devil will send you that you could have done better than the spouse that God gave you. You know the reality is you could never do better than the spouse that God sovereignly gave you. You can never do better than what God has ordained. You could never do better than living in accordance with God's perfect will for you, which is that He placed that spouse, that husband, that wife in your life. Reading on, let's move on to Ephesians 2 where we have another key truth pertaining to our position in Christ, which is that we have peace. Those who have put their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ have peace. Look at Ephesians 2:13-14. Context here as he is speaking to the Gentiles, this is part of this mystery that Paul is revealing about Gentiles now being a part of God's plan for salvation and redemption. But look at the principle here in Ephesians 2:13, “But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.” A cross reference would be Romans 5:1, “Therefore, having been justified by faith we have peace with God through the Lord Jesus Christ.” We were once at war with God, we were once at enmity with God, our track record of sin was undeniable. But now, says God, “we have peace with Him.” Now we are called to model that peace that we've been shown in terms of our position in Christ. We are called to model that peace in every single one of our relationships, and that includes and is especially true of our marriages. Because we have peace with God it is required of us in a God-honoring marriage to be at peace with our spouse, to live peaceably with them. Now surprise, surprise, in our sin-cursed fallen world, there will be disagreements and there will be arguments and there will be conflict in marriage. There will be times, believe it or not, where a husband and a wife get angry toward one another, but the reality is, and the Scriptures say this, we cannot live in those states perpetually. Instead, we are called to live peaceably with our spouse. And not just when the going is easy but especially when the going gets tough. So how do we do that? How do we live peaceably with our spouse? How do we pursue peace when in the midst of conflict? How do we pursue peace with this woman, this man with whom we are in this one-flesh relationship? Well, there is a lot to cover here and as I am going to list out these principles for you, I want to note again, and it's been said a couple of times this morning, that these principles, yes we are applying them to marriage today but they apply really to any relationship that any of us has as Believers. So, let's start with what a follower of Christ ought not do when they are in conflict with their spouse. These are a couple of behaviors that are going to result not in peace being established and forged between a husband and a wife, but this is likely to destroy the potential for peace in a marriage. Here goes, number one, I only have two on this not to do list. Number one not to do is return fire with fire. Another way of putting that is to respond wrongly to an offense. Again, sinners sin, that's what sinners do, even in marriage. That includes spouses saying things to each other or saying things about each other that offend. Now just because one sinner in a marriage sins toward another sinner in that marriage doesn't mean that the one who has been sinned against needs to respond with sin to the one who originally sinned. That's how the world acts, right? Hit me and I'll hit you back. Hurt me and I'll hurt you back. Hit me high and I'll go low. That's returning fire with fire. But that's not how the follower of Christ is called to act, not in any of our relationships and certainly not in our marriage. There is no reason that an offense committed against us by our spouse or a sin committed against us by our spouse must lead to a situation where now we ourselves are sinning and now both parties are sinning. Proverbs 15:18 tells us that one party in a conversation or a conflict like this can ratchet down the hostility. Proverbs 15:18 says, “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,” that could be one spouse, “but the slow to anger,” that could be the other spouse, “quiets a dispute.” So, one spouse stirs up strife, it has been known to happen, but the other spouse has the power in that situation and the ability to calm the waters, to quiet the dispute. The same principle comes out in other places. Proverbs 17:27 says, “He who holds back his words has knowledge and he who has a cool spirit is a man of discernment.” Proverbs 19:11 says, “A man's insight makes him slow to anger, and it is his honor to overlook a transgression.” So that's one way to destroy peace in a marriage, is to fight fire with fire. Here's another way, to silently withdraw. Keeping silent as a way to resolve conflict Biblically speaking, is wrong. In fact, refusal to communicate with your spouse when the two of you are in conflict is a sure way to delay if not ruin any sincere efforts to resolve the conflict. Listen to these words from Proverbs 18:1, “He who separates himself seeks his own desire. He breaks out in dispute against all sound wisdom.” You know, I've done a lot of Biblical marriage counseling over the course of my pastoral ministry, and I've seen a couple of things in this area of spouses separating from one another, going to their separate corners. Sometimes one spouse will pull away and refuse to communicate with the other spouse from truly wicked heart motives. They do so to exact revenge, to pay back the other spouse for having the audacity to raise the issue which started the conflict in the first place, to teach the other spouse a lesson, to fire a warning shot to the spouse who raised the issue that they better not bring that issue up again or else there will be hell to pay. Not all those situations are that nefarious, it's not always wickedness that is at the root of this sort of separation, quiet separation. There are also those who have simply been wrongly taught that not communicating and simply keeping it quiet, sweeping it under the rug is an appropriate way to resolve conflict Biblically because at least you are not exploding on the other person. You are just trying to keep the peace, and didn't Jesus say, Blessed are the peacekeepers? Did He say that? No, He didn't say that. He said in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” Christ never called anyone to be a peacekeeper. The Scriptures don't speak of us needing to be peacekeepers in a context of conflict. Matthew 5:9 again is “Blessed are the peacemakers.” Those who merely keep the peace to sort of maintain the status quo, to perpetually avoid conflict, to run out the clock on any tension that has developed in their marriage, they are not only not the peacemakers that Jesus calls His followers to be, but they are also much more like the peace protectors or the peace lovers that the world is trying to make us be. Those folks who are going with keeping peace rather than making peace are so afraid of conflict and they are running from it so perpetually that they are actually becoming more like the people pleasers of Galatians 1:10 that Paul refers to. Paul highlights, Galatians 1:10, people pleasing as sin. It's not Biblical, it's not God-honoring. Here is what he says in Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the favor of men or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a slave of Christ.” Bringing this back over to the marriage context it is one thing in a practical sense to politely and temporarily put an end to a conflict with your spouse because he or she for a little moment isn't playing by the rules and the conversation is going around in circles. And you think it might be good just to escape for a few moments to pray, to calm yourself down, to remember Scripture that you can then bring to bear as you seek to resolve that conflict. It's quite another thing, though, to withdraw from the conversation entirely, to put your spouse on ice, to bury your head in the sand and just hope as a matter of your own anger and impatience that it is going to be over soon. One of those could be wise, the temporary prayer walk to take care of your own heart before you reengage with the conversation. Another one of those could be sin. So those are the two ways we've identified here, two ways that peace can be destroyed in a conflict in a marriage coming from opposite ends of the spectrum. One end is fighting fire with fire, wrongly engaging, and one is silently withdrawing, which is a refusal to engage. Those are two ways not to engage in conflict, two ways not to pursue peace—fighting fire with fire, silently withdrawing. So how are we then as Christian husbands and Christian wives to actually resolve conflict Biblically? Remember, we are still under this heading of Ephesians 2:13-14, “Now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace.” We're still thinking about Romans 5:1, “Therefore, having been justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” We've been granted peace, peace with God through Christ, so now, how are we to make peace? How are we to be true peacemakers the way that we are called to be? I have another list for you; this one is a little bit longer. I gave you two on the first list, I think I have five on this list where I'm going to lay down some Biblical principles for how to resolve conflict, to positively resolve conflict as husband and wife. Again, even if you are not married, I trust this will be helpful to you as you think of your other relationships in the Church and out there in the world. Number one, search the Scriptures. When you find yourself in a conflict with your spouse, go to the Word. Allow those feelings of exasperation and frustration you are feeling in that heated battle of sorts and go to the only place where you will find ultimate truth and ultimate comfort in God's sufficient Word. Listen to this from Psalm 119:71, and surely, we've all been here at some point when in conflict with our spouse. The psalmist says, “It was good for me that I was afflicted that I may learn Your statutes.” Put that, layer that into the context of marriage. Psalm 119:71, “It was good for me that I was afflicted,” in that conflict, in that time of tension, in that time of worry, in that time of wondering if she was ever going to come back, “it was good for me that I was afflicted so that I might learn Your statutes,” so that I might go to Your Word. Don't go to podcasts when you are experiencing tension and conflict in your marriage, don't go to online articles, don't go to the substack page, don't go to the corner of your house, don't go to the garage or the mancave or the sad country songs. Go to the Word. Number two, listen more and speak less. The reality is you cannot resolve conflicts Biblically if you don't know what the other party is actually saying. You can't resolve conflict if you are mistaking what you think you heard your spouse say for what they actually said. This means that when a conflict between you and your spouse starts to bubble or starts to brew you need to listen, you need to hear, you need to withhold and reserve judgment, you need to set a guard over your mouth. We all have seen how this can go. A little bit of tension is brewing as the conversation begins and you are getting close to a point of conflict and a sore subject and then you start thinking to yourself, here she goes again. I know what she is going to say next. She just said it, I knew she would say it that way. And then you are completely disengaged and disconnected from the conversation, and you can't actually resolve the conflict Biblically. Be very careful that you guard your heart. Be very careful that you do not rush into a conversation with your spouse in conflict using rash words. Heed these words from Proverbs 15:28, “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil things.” Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who responds with a word before he hears, it is folly and shame to him.” In other words, whether you are a husband or a wife, whether your job is to lead or submit, what you need to do is listen and think and pray when conflict is arising before you speak. It's James 2, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak,” right? All right, search the Scriptures, listen more and speak less, those are the first two. Number three is Speak. By all means, speak. You know, to resolve conflict, to actually make peace, to pursue peace you eventually need to say something. You will eventually need to open your mouth to make progress toward actual, Biblical peace. But when you do so, through prayer, meditating on God's Word to inform whatever it is you are going to say, it's essential that you watch your words. It's essential that you refuse to sin with your words. Proverbs 8:6 says, “I will speak noble things, and the opening of my lips will reveal upright things for my mouth will utter truth, and wickedness is an abomination to my lips. All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing twisted or crooked in them.” Number four, Repent. In the context of marital conflict to repent means to humble yourself, to admit to your own wrongdoing, fundamentally to turn from the wrong path that you were on to a righteous path, to make this, in the context of conflict and peacemaking, not about the speck that is in his eye but in the log that is in yours. So, whatever the conflict pertains to, if it is thread counts or dinner preferences or sex or finances, whatever it might be, repenting means owning whatever anger or frustration or language you've directed toward your spouse. It means confessing your sin toward your spouse to the Lord. And it means seeking forgiveness from your spouse for the part that you played. Speaking of forgiveness, here is number five. Forgive. Simply stated, you must forgive each other. You must forgive each other. No exception to that rule. Forgiveness is not optional. Forgiveness for a forgiven sinner is required all of the time. Remember Colossians 3:12, “As the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and graciously forgiving each other. Whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord graciously forgave you, so also should you.” That doesn't mean you will always feel like forgiving. That doesn't mean that the other person in your marriage, your spouse, deserves your forgiveness. So what? It doesn't matter. Neither did you when God forgave you. A marriage, a God-honoring marriage is made up of two people who are quick to forgive and good at repentance, great at repentance. We were on that topic for a while. If you've lost your bearings, remember we are still under the heading of Ephesians and we're guiding our way through this as we are tracing our way through some major topics leading up to next week in Ephesians 5, and we've just been considering so far what it means to have a salvation-founded marriage. So much of what we have looked at so far in these early chapters of Ephesians is about our position in Christ. A Christian marriage is one which is truly salvation-founded. Now what we're going to do in the time we have left is cover this second major requirement of a God-honoring marriage which is that of being Spirit-filled. Reading on in Ephesians, moving on to chapter 3 we come upon this critical truth related to our calling and our position in Christ which is that we are fully dependent on the Spirit, we are fully in need of the Spirit and we ought to be prayerful that the Lord would produce more and more fruit of the Spirit in our lives. This is Ephesians 3:14, it says, “For this reason I bow my knees before the Father from whom every family in heaven and earth is named, that He would give you according to the riches of His glory to be strengthened with the power through His Spirit in the inner man so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith and that you being firmly rooted and grounded in love may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.” You might have heard me emphasize that statement there where he says that they would be, the Ephesians, “strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man.” Paul was praying for those to whom he was writing that they would be given strength, strength through God's Spirit, the Holy Spirit, so that they would be, he says, “firmly rooted and grounded . . . know the love of Christ . . .” and also “be filled up to all the fullness of God.” Are those things you want for your spouse? Would you like your husband to be firmly rooted and grounded? Would you like your wife to know the love of Christ? Would you like your husband or your wife to be filled up to all the fullness of God? Are these things you not only want for your spouse but because you want them for your spouse you are praying those things for your spouse? Not praying to the Lord, fix my spouse kind of prayers. Lord, make my wife a different wife kind of prayers. But are you praying these kinds of prayers? Lord, ground her, help him understand more intimately the love of Christ. Fill him up with knowledge from the Word about who he is in Christ. Are you praying those prayers so that they would be strengthened, your spouse would be strengthened through the Holy Spirit in the inner man? And while you are at it, are you asking God to work through His Spirit in you? I mean, how about asking God as you are praying for the Spirit to work in them, for Him to work in you for their benefit? How about asking Him that He would help you yield even more fruit of the Spirit? Go over with me, if you would to Galatians 5, to some familiar language, Galatians 5:22. As we think about how we can be praying for our spouses to grow in their spiritual walk, how about praying that we would grow in our spiritual walk for the sake of our spouse through this list given in Galatians 5:22-23. Paul says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” A Spirit-filled marriage is one where both spouses are committed to growing in each of these areas. Like love. We know from the Bible, I John 4:8, that “God is love.” We know that God's love was put on display in this most profound of ways at the cross of Jesus Christ. Romans 5:8, “God demonstrates His own love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Well, that sort of sacrificial, others-oriented love like the love Christ showed us on the cross ought to be characteristic of every Godly, God-honoring marriage. It is even written into Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands love your wives as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” So, love isn't transactional, love isn't conditional, love isn't selfish. Rather, love is sacrificial, it is others focused, it's modeled after the love God showed us through Jesus Christ. So do you love your spouse not because you have to, not because you know you are supposed to, not because her name or his name is next to you on the marriage license, not because you are getting love shown you so now you are reciprocating with the love you show them, but is the love you show your spouse a genuine outflow of the love you have received from God through the cross of Jesus Christ? The next one is Joy. As Christians our hope is in the Lord who loved us and gave Himself up for us. We have joy in Christ because we remember the truth of Romans 8 that “nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” We have true joy. Not fleeting happiness, not circumstantial joy, not temporary joy, not the counterfeit joy that the world is going to offer. No, we have true joy, rooted in certain realities of events that have already taken place, like the cross and the resurrection, but also rooted in eternal realities of things to come. I Peter 1:8 says, “Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. And though you do not see Him now but believe in Him, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory.” Is your marriage marked by joy, a joy which is rooted ultimately in your relationship with the Lord? A joy which is rooted ultimately in your sure hope of eternal realities, things to come? A joy that allows you to heed the words of Proverbs 5:18 to “delight in the wife of your youth?” Next Paul lists Peace. Love, joy, peace. We've already considered peacemaking in depth here, so I won't go over this one in too much more detail, but the basic idea is that we are to pursue peace with others, in this case our spouse, because of the peace we have with God on account of our salvation. Blessed are the peacekeepers? No. Blessed are the peacemakers. I won't beat that one to death, we've already done so. Fourth, Patience. We worship a God, do we not, who is supremely patient, a God who is perfectly patient, a God who is abundantly patient toward us, especially when we consider the position we once were in when we were separated from Him, when we rebelled against Him. We think of the words of II Peter 3:9 that “the Lord is not slow about His promise as some consider slowness but is patient toward you, not willing that any would perish but that all would come to repentance.” As we're told here in Galatians 5:22, we are to reflect that patience toward others and most certainly toward our spouse. This is a patience which is willing to show self-restraint. This is a patience which refuses to retaliate reactively toward one's spouse. This is a patience which refuses to exact revenge. It's a patience which allows us to endure painful situations. We think of the words of Paul in I Corinthians 13:4, “Love is patient.” Kindness is the next one. God displayed His immense kindness, His vast kindness, His undeserved kindness in saving us. Titus 3:4-5, “But when the kindness and affection of God our Savior appeared, He saved us.” And in turn Believers are to be kind toward one another. Ephesians 4:32 says it as plainly as it can be said. “Be kind to one another.” Now kindness involves a willingness to forego what one could do in a situation. Kindness refers to a willingness to decline to extend the upper hand and to lord it over someone else. Jesus regularly demonstrated this sort of kindness, in His case perfectly, during His earthly ministry. We've seen this already many times in the Gospel of Luke where He is encountering the weak and the afflicted, those who have been cast aside, and He is not lording His authority over them. No, He was kind toward these various individuals from different walks of life. Next is Goodness. God, of course, is good, He is the very benchmark of what goodness is. He calls us to cultivate and emulate and demonstrate goodness toward others by doing good deeds or actions or activities for the good of another for their benefit with no hope of receiving anything in return. Well certainly in marriage, which God has been so good to give to us in the first place, we are called to demonstrate goodness toward one another. In marriage we should heed these words, Romans 12:21, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Next, Faithfulness. Faithfulness again is fundamentally an attribute of God's character. “God is faithful,” I Corinthians 1:9. And having gifted us the gift of faith, this faithful God calls us to be faithful as He is faithful. And of course, faithful means faithful unto death in terms of the marriage vow, but there is also an aspect of being faithful that involves being trustworthy. A faithful person is one who can be trusted. His yes means yes, his no means no. He keeps his words, he meets his obligations, he keeps his promises. Is your marriage marked by faithfulness and trustworthiness? Gentleness is the next one, also translated meekness. This word in its original sense means strength under control. The picture is that of a wild animal that is now tamed or a whipping wind that is now corralled into a gentle breeze. Jesus, of course, was marked by a gentleness. Matthew 11:29, He said, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” James 1:21 says “Therefore, laying aside all filthiness,” and this is speaking of the Believer's call now to be gentle, “laying aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in gentleness receive the implanted Word.” I Timothy 6:11 says, “But you, oh man of God, flee from these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, perseverance, gentleness.” Not domineering, not being heavy-handed, not being self-interested, but meek. A marriage marked by meekness, a marriage marked by gentleness is truly a Spirit-filled marriage, a Spirit-directed marriage, one which honors and pleases the Lord. Last one here in Galatians 5:23 is Self-control. In a Spirit-led, Spirit-directed, Spirit-filled marriage the parties aren't being rude or pushy, they aren't insisting on getting their own way, they aren't kicking against God's perfect divine design for each of them. Instead, they restrain their attitudes and their passions as they seek consistently to submit themselves to the will of God, not their own. It is stated negatively in Proverbs 25:28, this idea of self-control. It says, “Like a city that is broken into and without a wall is a man without restraint over his spirit.” That could also be translated without self-control. A positive expression of this principle is found in II Peter 1:5, “Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence in your faith supply moral excellence and in your moral excellence knowledge and in your knowledge self-control.” , So, this little run-through of Galatians 5, the fruit of the Spirit, has shown us, I hope, how desperate we are in need of the Spirit of God to help us faithfully call out or carry out the Biblical commands God has given us as husbands and wives. So, brothers and sisters in Christ, husbands and wives in the room, knowing that you do have distinct roles and functions to carry out, which we'll get into as we get into Ephesians 5 next week, are you doing so with this commitment to what is laid out here in Galatians 5, that you do so with love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control? Again, we've been surveying these first few chapters of Paul's letter to the Ephesians, leading up to our study of Ephesians 5. We've seen different aspects of how a God-honoring marriage is both salvation-founded and Spirit-filled. Before we close, I want to lay out one more thing, and then we'll be done, which is that you and your spouse cannot forget that you are both dead. You are both dead. And I say that not to be morbid or macabre, but I say that to actually line up with how Paul articulates it in a couple of different places, first of which is in Ephesians 4. Ephesians 4:22 says that we are to “Lay aside in reference to your former conduct the old man which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit and to be renewed in the Spirit of your mind and to put on the new man which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity. He who steals must steal no longer, but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good so that he will have something to share with one who has need. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth but only such a word as is good for building up what is needed so that it will give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and anger and wrath and shouting and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Instead, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, graciously forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has graciously forgiven you.” This speaks, this passage does, of us being dead. Verse 22, speaks of former conduct, the old man. In Colossians 3:3 which has so many parallels to Ephesians it says, “You have died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” Paul says elsewhere in II Corinthians 5:17, “Old things are passed, behold new have come.” A God-honoring marriage then, is not only about two loving people and it's not only about two forgiving people and it's not only about two kind people. Rather it involves two dead people; two dead people who recognize and appreciate and embrace that they have now been made alive in Christ. Two dead people who realize that they do not want a marriage which resembles what is offered out there in the world. Two dead people who are now committed, in light of the new life they have been given in Christ with the old having passed, to live in marriage faithfully for Him in this most sacred of spaces, the sacred bond of marriage. So that's a little bit on the requirements of a God-honoring marriage, that it be salvation-founded, that it be Spirit-filled. Now that we've worked through roots and some of these requirements, next week we'll get ready to get into what I know will cause no controversy at all—roles in a God-honoring marriage.